A wedding is an exciting yet expensive occasion for all of the family. But one mother has been slammed for asking for handouts for her daughter’s big day.
Reddit user u/Early-Retirement-22 wrote that he has always been capable with money and inherited a good chunk, which allowed him to retire early.
Recently, the childless man got into an argument with his brother’s wife after refusing to donate $15,000 towards her daughter’s wedding.
“This is my brother’s stepdaughter, there is no blood relationship. I suppose she is not really my niece, but they call me her uncle,” the poster wrote.
His initial plan was to give the woman $1,000 as a wedding gift, but then the parents began booking things.
“[They] asked if I could give them $15,000. Yes, I could, I just don’t want to, I would give $1,000. My sister-in-law started pressuring me for more, I said no. $1,000 was a nice contribution for a step-uncle (for lack of a better term). She then got angry and called me names, etc,” he wrote.
In 2022, the average cost of a wedding reception venue in the United States amounted to an estimated $11,200, according to Statista.
The man has since revoked his offer all together after receiving verbal abuse from the couple. He turned to the internet for advice after rescinding his offer.
He wrote: “I told her that the offer of any money is rescinded, I would not give a cent, not attend the wedding and not give a gift. She called me an AH [a******] and all sorts of other things. My brother called me an[d] apologized for his wife and asked if I would consider $5,000. I told him that I loved him, but did not like his wife and that my decision to give nothing stands. He then joined the [A******] chorus.”
The man has since updated his post to tell others that he has received a better apology from his brother. However, he has cut ties with the wife and is going to skip the wedding.
“My brother told me his stepdaughter knew nothing about this, so I am leaning towards offering the $1,000 to her directly,” he wrote.
Rima Barakeh, the deputy editor of Hitched.co.uk, told Newsweek about the popular post that has over 7,700 upvotes. She has also provided four ways to ask for financial help when planning a wedding.
Barakeh, a wedding expert, said: “Traditionally, different aspects of the wedding bill are footed by the parents and family of the couple, so, for couples following traditions, when it comes to who pays for what, much of the cost sits with their family. And it’s not just couples following tradition who may seek financial support.
“In fact, it’s not uncommon for wedding-planning couples to get financial help from friends and family in this day and age,” Barakeh added. “Overall, it’s not the asking for financial support that seems to be the issue here, but the assumption and manner in which the money was demanded. There are much better ways to go about asking family members for monetary contributions, but ultimately it’s not advised to assume the money is coming.”
How to Ask for Money for Your Wedding
- Wait to see who comes to you: Once you have announced your engagement and start talking about wedding plans, it’s likely that anyone who wants to contribute will approach you to have that conversation.
- Ask, don’t demand: If the topic hasn’t been raised to you, and you would like to ask family members for contributions, ensure you do just that, and ask. It needs to feel like an option, not a demand. Phrasing it in a “If you would like to contribute towards the wedding, we’d be so grateful!” instead of “How much will you be contributing?” will always lead to a healthier and more constructive conversation.
- Give people options: If people have offered to contribute, or have asked what they can contribute, ask them what they would like to contribute towards. Is there a specific thing they would love to pay for? Some family members may really want to cover the cost of flowers, or pay for everyone’s food. Including people in these conversations makes people feel appreciated.
- Be grateful: This sounds like an obvious one, but a thanks and token of appreciation, whether someone is giving you $100 or $10,000 towards your wedding, is the least you can do to thank people for their generosity.
So far, the post has almost 1,000 comments since it was shared on September 21.
One comment read: “Yeah, calling you names was a genius way to get you to contribute more money. I don’t blame you for not giving anything at this point. They are acting so entitled to YOUR money, but just because you have money to spend doesn’t mean you have to spend it on them.”
“The fact that they even had the audacity to beg for money while apologizing is baffling. A lack of shame doesn’t even begin to describe their actions. They don’t deserve a cent,” posted another.
Newsweek reached out to u/Early-Retirement-22 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.