A hotel manager who didn’t receive an invitation to their friend’s wedding despite securing them a discounted room rate was backed online for canceling the reservation in response.
The conflicted poster, u/Inevitable-Lie2404, took to Reddit’s Am I The A******? channel to share their dismay at being excluded from the wedding after the kind favor they did for the bride. After canceling the room block, the wedding plans apparently “went sideways” due to money issues, causing the bridesmaids to berate them.
“I had a friend from a previous job get engaged and asked me for a favor,” the Redditor wrote. “I left that previous job to work at an upscale hotel. She asked me to get her and her bridesmaids discounted hotel rooms. I was able to swing about 10 suites for a very decent price compared to what they would normally sell for.”
While later chatting with the bride-to-be about her wedding plans, the Redditor was told “awkwardly” that they weren’t actually invited: “I was surprised I wasn’t invited out of at least courtesy for doing her a favor with the wedding block. She said she just couldn’t afford to include anyone else.”
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They could understand being excluded if the couple was holding an intimate affair with just their closest friends and family, but that wasn’t the case; the wedding was going to be “large and lavish” with a huge guest list full of distant acquaintances.
“I let her know I didn’t understand since it was such a large event how she couldn’t squeeze one more person in. She said it was impossible and they were at the top of their budget,” they wrote.
The Redditor decided to cancel the reservation because “I was giving them an extreme discounted rate due to our friendship”—and they apparently weren’t friends, according to the bride’s actions. They were met with staunch criticism from the wedding party with bridesmaids now calling them an a****** for changing the plans.
Jordan Marks, a California-based psychotherapist and marriage counselor, weighed in on the wedding debacle for Newsweek.
“It isn’t wrong to expect an invitation to the wedding if the friendship was a genuine friendship. A genuine friendship is based on unconditional care, inclusiveness, vulnerability, growth and connection,” he said. “If it wasn’t clear before, it certainly is now, that the relationship was not genuine. It was, in fact, transactional, hence conditional.”
Marks explained that from his perspective, the person who made the deal for the hotel rooms for their friend had made the mistake of associating transactions with closeness.
“My heart goes out to him or her. A transactional friendship is this for that. I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine. Hotel suites for basketball tickets. A wedding invitation should be expected from a genuine friend, and the bride-to-be was not that,” Marks said.
“Moreover, there was retaliation in reaction to not being invited. This is another indicator that the friendship wasn’t genuine. If it were, there would be a heart-to-heart conversation, not immature retaliation,” he added.
What do the comments say?
The majority of the Redditors commenting under the post chose to back u/Inevitable-Lie2404 for withdrawing their insider discount after finding out that they’re not going to the wedding.
“Random people don’t get to use your work benefits for a discount. Friends and family, sure. She made sure you knew you weren’t top 100 friends, so why help her out,” one Reddit user wrote.
“Whether you’re good friends or not, there’s some quid pro quo involved. If they are good friends, OP should get invited to the wedding with no expectation of a gift at a minimum. If they are just acquaintances, the bride should have been upfront with giving a token of appreciation,” another person commented.
“I had a COVID wedding and still would have invited someone who did that big of a favor for me! It’s not that hard to squeeze in one person who has done such a huge favor and been so instrumental in making your day work,” shared a different user.
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