“Trump says the paperwork the F.B.I. took from Mar-a-Lago are coated by his white privilege — wait, excuse me, I imply his government privilege.” — DESUS NICE
“Additionally they confiscated 8,000 McRibs, 9 Melania clones, one never-been-used Peloton, two tons of industrial-grade ranch dressing, ‘Ladies Gone Wild’ volumes 8 by 19 — ay, yo! — Lindsey Graham’s testicles.” — DESUS NICE
“Let me simply break down Trump’s protection: He says the F.B.I. planted faux proof to border him, and now he needs them to return the faux proof. Even O.J. is like, ‘Yo, bro, you wildin.’” — DESUS NICE
“Right here’s the factor Donald Trump doesn’t perceive: He doesn’t personal these paperwork. They belong to his former employer, america authorities. See, that’s not how jobs work. If you get fired from an workplace, you don’t get to take the Xerox machine dwelling with you. Once I obtained fired from Showtime, they didn’t let me carry dwelling the solid of ‘Shameless.’” — DESUS NICE
“And individuals are saying, ‘What’s the large deal a few president protecting labeled paperwork at his home?’ As a result of his home is a golf resort! It has a seafood buffet on Wednesday nights. Come on. That is like if Obama left the nuclear codes at Purple Lobster.” — DESUS NICE