The QAnon Shaman is out of prison and eager to make some coin.
On Jan. 6, 2021, when MAGA maniacs stormed the U.S. Capitol in an orgy of violence and mayhem, one face stood out amid the swirling chaos. It belonged to Jacob Chansley, a.k.a. Jake Angeli, a.k.a. Yellowstone Wolf, a.k.a. the QAnon Shaman.
Looking like he had just come from the Water Buffalo Lodge, after failing to convince Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble the election was stolen, Mr. Chansley had the American flag painted above his beard. His shirtless torso was tatted up with the iconography of a lost mystic. He wore a fur headdress with horns. He was prone to spontaneous howling. If such a weirdo boarded your subway car, you’d get off.
Alas, the QAnon Shaman’s special powers did not include fending off the feds. As with hundreds of other giddy insurrectionists, he was identified, charged and eventually sentenced to serve time for his coupy crimes. He expressed remorse before prison.
He was released a few days ago. The remorse may still be behind bars.
Now a free man, the QAnon Shaman is following Rule No. 1 for any notorious MAGA blowhard: grift. Living in a parallel universe can be a lucrative enterprise. The QAnon Shaman has opened an online store that is selling “QBacca” T-shirts ($46), “Shaman Life” water bottles ($35), “Freedom!!!” posters ($61), “Forbidden Truth Academy” mouse pads ($31). For another $31, you can dress your conspiratorial preschooler in a cute “Didn’t Do Muffin” jersey that is “soft yet durable to withstand your toddler’s playtime demands.” Well, so long as those demands do not include attacking police and rioting inside a government citadel to overturn a free and fair election.
In that case, your kid will need a flak jacket and sawed-off flagpole.
For MAGA zombies with deeper pockets, $500 can get you a one-on-one with the Shaman himself. Ask about how radio waves are hijacking synaptic functioning. Ask about the worldwide satanic network, funded by Oprah and George Soros, that is sex-trafficking children. Ask if he believes he is an alien who was sent to this planet on an emergency intergalactic mission to purge all unpatriotic enemies who drink Bud Light.
Just don’t be surprised when his metaphysics seminar ends with a desperate plea to buy a framed mug shot or yoga leggings, both of which are now available on his site.
MAGA started as a political movement. It is now, first and foremost, about making money and moving merch. Donald Trump, the indicted charlatan who has fleeced his gullible followers out of millions, created this template of shameless monetization. Trump sees every legal and political setback as an opportunity to sell: “The Deep State and Deranged Marxists are on a Witch Hunt and won’t stop this Hoax until your True President is behind bars. America is a Banana Republic! Please send $42.99 for these Donald & Melania salt-and-pepper shakers and Make Seasoning Great Again!!!”
The QAnon Shaman has served his time. Upon his release, his lawyer described him as “remarkably intelligent, peaceful to his core and a gentle young man with a very bright future.” Fair enough. But Chansley’s new Twitter account suggests that, while he is out of prison, he may not have escaped the rabbit holes that led him there.
He is back to amplifying conspiracies about tampered ballots. He is granting “World Exclusive” interviews to One America News, which is to journalism as Taco Bell is to horticulture. The Shaman has traded the coyote skins and horns for a game show white suit and matching Stars-and-Stripes bandana and necktie. He is crediting God with shepherding him through “this arduous journey.” He is name-checking Gandhi.
Then you click over to his website and wonder if this exalted, evangelizing blather about “forgiveness,” “unity” and “truth” is just subliminal salesmanship.
If I strike a conciliatory tone, will people buy an “Awake Evolve Ascend” mug?
The only MAGA diehard who is not a grifter is Mike Lindell, that MyPillow lunatic, who has lost millions as a true believer of the Big Lie. If Trump privately confided he was about to grow a second face, Lindell would now be frantically inventing a two-headed pillow. He sees Trump as a stand-in for the Second Coming. But for everyone else in the MAGA treason cult, from Steve Bannon to Rudy Giuliani, embracing the crazy was always a calculated move to get in on the cha-ching.
Trump supporters constantly whine about financial hardships.
Then they make monthly donations to millionaires.
In a video he shared Thursday, the day he was released, the QAnon Shaman vowed the “next part of my journey entails using the power of patience and peace to spread the truth and to do so in the spirit of a Christ-like forgiveness.”
I am willing to bet any upcoming truths will not include: Joe Biden is the legitimate president. There is no global cabal of pedophiles. Hillary Clinton is not a diabolical murderer. Tom Hanks does not drink the blood of aborted fetuses.
Such truths would require introspection and evolution. Such truths would mean the QAnon Shaman learned something while locked up and can finally see the light.
That would be great for him as a human being. It would also be a nightmare for his bottom line. Jacob Chansley’s future earnings are calibrated to his past lies.
And those buying “America’s Shaman Flag” for $61 do not care about the truth.
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