A mom has been slammed online for forcing her daughter to wait a year before applying to college, with many accusing her of infantilizing the teenager.
In a post shared by Reddit user u/Numerous_Minute_7220 on August 17, the mom explained that she doesn’t want her “young and naive” 16-year-old daughter going to college until she has matured.
The mom believes that her daughter can be “easily manipulated,” and “she can’t stand up for herself” yet, so she would feel more comfortable making her wait an extra year to apply, meaning she would be nearly 18 by the time she leaves for college.
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While many students might seem young and immature when they start their new chapter in life, the years spent studying can be hugely significant. A survey conducted by the Pew Research Center in 2021 discovered that 79 percent of graduates felt their college education was useful or very useful for helping them grow personally and intellectually.
In addition, 65 percent felt that their college degree helped them develop specific skills and knowledge that they could use in the workplace, and 70 percent highlighted that it opened up many new job opportunities.
The Reddit post reads: “For these reasons (among others), father and I have decided that we are not going to let her go off to college as long as she’s a minor under our care. This means that she won’t be going until fall 2024 because she doesn’t turn 18 until that December. I am not trying to stifle her, but I do want her to be safe.
“She was recently talking about starting to fill out college applications and I told her not to bother. I explained that we weren’t letting her go until she’s old enough to make that decision for herself.”
The daughter was hurt by the decision and “she started crying and yelling,” but despite the teenager’s protestations, the mom “refused to budge.”
The post continues: “I don’t think I’m being unreasonable and, honestly, her reaction is more evidence of immaturity.”
According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr Kevin Skinner, who is the clinical director at ParentGuidance.org, fostering open communication can aid any parent-and-child relationship. Allowing both parties to share their perspectives and having transparent dialogue can build trust.
Skinner told Newsweek: “The most effective approach would have been to brainstorm and talk about concerns, rather than making a unilateral decision. This allows the child to have a voice and builds confidence.
“The burden of a unilateral decision can lead to resentment, and internalized feelings of shame in the child. It is crucial to make decisions collectively to maintain a healthy relationship.”
To help parents who are concerned about their child, Skinner recommends trying to role-play those scenarios they might face and allowing the child to prepare for any eventuality.
“Mental rehearsal and role-playing various scenarios can prepare college-bound students for the challenges they may face, such as sleep deprivation, stress and peer pressure.”
Since the mom posted about her decision on Reddit, she has received over 9,700 votes and more than 7,700 comments so far—many of which are highly critical.
One Redditor responded: “How does infantilizing her help her learn to be independent? How does stifling her help her development?”
Another person wrote: “The problem here appears to be the parents, as they seem to have failed to teach their daughter to be independent. She may very well be better off in a community college.”
Many commenters agreed, and criticized the parents, rather than blaming the daughter, as another comment reads: “They’re teaching her to be helpless. It’s their fault they don’t allow her to make mistakes because they assume she’s going to make them, and act on it beforehand. They treat her as if she’s an idiot, like she doesn’t know better.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Numerous_Minute_7220 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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