Weddings can bring out the best, and the worst in people, and that’s exactly what one groom-to-be found at his future-sister-in law’s recent nuptials.
In a Reddit post, user AgentRamandu explains that he is 27 and his fiancée is 28. They have been together for nearly a year, have been engaged for about six months and are planning their wedding in the fall of 2024.
He says he is close to his future sister-in-law and her fiancé.
“I planned a birthday party for his son-from-another-marriage, I’ve given her rides, always brought small gifts when I would visit,” he writes. “I’ve gone as far as to stop everything I was doing to help her during a health scare while she was pregnant.”
Deagreez/Getty Images
He continues that he was therefore shocked to discover that he had not been invited to their “shotgun wedding.”
“I woke up on the day of the wedding to help my fiancé get ready and drive her over to her sisters house,” he writes. “I planned on driving my fiancée, her sister, and her sisters soon-to-be husband to the venue and bringing them to the dinner afterwards. My fiancée told me, ‘It’s okay, just drop me off at my sisters and we will get a ride over.'”
“A little odd, but I was fine with that too. I arrived over there and as my fiancée got out of the car I asked if I could come in and congratulate them. She seemed hesitant and said, ‘Uhh, ok. Let me just text my sister to make sure.’
Reluctantly, he was invited to come inside.
“Inside was a party of her siblings, and their friends and significant others all dressed up. They all looked at me and didn’t say much. I saw another one of her sisters, and her new boyfriend was in a suit. Everyone was invited. The ‘no plus 1s’ only applied to me.”
The OP explains that he “immediately left, and in a text told my fiancée [his future sister-in-law and her husband] were off the guest list for our wedding…Now we are fighting over this.”
Weddings are meant to be joyous occasions but sparks can fly.
“Making the decision to not invite people’s partners is always one which causes controversy,” Rima Barakeh, wedding expert and deputy editor of Hitched.co.uk told Newsweek, “It’s pretty hard to avoid upset if you aren’t inviting family or friends’ partners, specifically ones who have been on the scene for a long time, or those who are married.
“Ultimately however, the decision of who to (and not to!) invite lies with the couple, and guests should do their best to accept their wishes. Though, there are ways to handle the situation, and ways not to.
“There are plenty of reasons why you wouldn’t invite someone’s partner to your wedding. Budget and venue capacity are two of the more practical reasons why, plus ones might not be allowed, but there are personal reasons that are also valid, too.
“It may be that someone’s partner is newly on the scene, or they weren’t an item when the invites were originally sent. It could also be that you just don’t know them that well, or you don’t particularly get on.
“All of the above make for pretty valid reasons not to invite someone’s partner to your wedding, but not being honest about it will ultimately cause much more of a stir than the lack of invitation alone.
“In this case, the couple said that no plus ones would be invited, and that the wedding would be very small and intimate with only immediate family members invited—and therein lies the problem. It’s no surprise that the original poster was upset by this, as the couple weren’t honest about the guest list.
“If couples are taking the decision not to invite people’s partners, it’s absolutely fine, but we at Hitched would always recommend being honest and communicating this. It doesn’t have to be a one-size-fits-all approach, but being dishonest about it will always lead to upset.”
Reddit users backed the OP.
One said: “You don’t have a sister in law problem. You have a fiancée problem.”
“I would rethink this relationship,” said another.
Some users said that the OP shouldn’t let himself be treated so shoddily by his fiancée’s family.
“Clearly, this family has no issue using you OP. This is what you’re marrying into. I would take your time to think this thru,” one advised.
Newsweek reached out to AgentRamandu via Reddit for comment.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.