How Tenant Dealt With Roommate’s Boyfriend Crashing 5 Nights a Week Backed

A woman is refusing to let her roommate’s boyfriend stay at their apartment “over 5 days a week” after becoming increasingly frustrated at his behavior.

Living with someone can often prove make or break for a friendship. In instances of the latter, the smallest of issues can explode into a quarrel that may even end with both parties going their separate ways.

For example, a survey of 2,000 Americans conducted by One Poll on behalf of Trane Residential found that one in four had ended a friendship with a roommate over an argument related to thermostat use. Thermostat issues certainly play a part in the complaints of the woman posting to Reddit about her roommate’s boyfriend, but that was only the tip of the iceberg.

According to the post, shared under the handle u/Secret-Mind650, the boyfriend made a habit of turning the thermostat “to 74 degrees” during his extended stays there, among other crimes. “He showers here, he cooks here, he uses the living room to watch tv, he keeps his stuff in our bathroom,” the woman said.

Having reached her limit, the woman confronted her roommate over the issue. “I told her he can’t be here 5-6 days a week because I pay to live with 1 other person not 2,” she wrote. “Our place also only has 1 bathroom.”

Her roommate was not happy about this and accused the woman of “being unreasonable,” pointing to the fact that she has her boyfriend over too. The woman rejected the comparison though. “My boyfriend is over 2 nights a week at most on the weekend, usually it is only once cause I work weekends,” she said.

Despite her friend’s reaction, the woman felt justified in speaking up as it’s unfair for the boyfriend to “fully live” in their apartment without paying.

Reflecting on the clash, Chase Cassine, a behavioral health specialist at DePaul Community Health Centers in New Orleans, told Newsweek that conflicts between roommates often stem from a failure to establish proper boundaries.

“We all know boundaries are important in theory, but it may pose a struggle when put into practice,” he said. “Some people were reared in a home with no boundaries, or very rigid or strict boundaries, which in turn shapes their behavior.”

He also applauded the approach of the woman in directly addressing the issue with her roommate, noting that a failure to do so only makes the situation worse for all involved.

“If you are not addressing the issue, the problem will continue on,” he said. “Acknowledge how you honestly feel, learn to identify boundary violations and set healthier boundaries to protect your mental health.”

The response was similarly supportive on social media, with many on Reddit applauding the woman’s stance.

One user said: “If this bozo is actually living there and they’re secretly leaving you to pay more than your share of rent that’s DIRTY. Tell her in no uncertain terms that he’s got to find a new base of operations immediately or else you’re going to up her share of rent to cover the third roommate.” Another asked: “what’s wrong with them spending 2-3 nights at his place? and he should not be allowed to keep personal items in any room except hers.”

Elsewhere, one user wrote: “I had this issue with my last roommate. His girlfriend who had a nicer apartment than us, was there EVERY night of the week except one day. It was very difficult for me to decompress listening to her cackle, or want to watch tv in the living room when they were already watching it.”

Another, meanwhile, commented: “Sorry, but my roommate and I decided together that no overnights during the week, only the weekend. We stuck to it because we both thought it simply was not fair to either of us to have two or three days per week of overnights….We had a great home life, got to walk about dressed however we wanted and be really relaxed during the work week and got to hang out on the weekend.”

Newsweek contacted u/Secret-Mind650 for comment but was unable to verify the details of the story.