I Felt Isolated as a Single Mom at Christmas—So I Made a Joyful Plan

My first holiday as a single mom crashed into my life.

Much like the seasons of the year, my own life took a similar trajectory—my husband and I had decided to separate in the spring, he moved out in the fall, and then winter was upon us.

With the chaos of the divorce proceedings and solo parenting of two small kids, I gasped when I looked at my Google Calendar and noticed it was December.

The logistics of creating a magical holiday for my sons seemed to smack me in the head, and I nearly had a panic attack. Where are the elves? I asked out loud to no one. How will I get a Christmas tree?

And, of course, my stomach lurched when I realized I had to find a way to afford everything involved in the holiday magic—gifts, decorations, and holiday events, oh my.

As a child of divorced parents, I made a promise to myself that my divorce would not impact the holiday magic for my children. So I set to work figuring out all the logistics and prayed to the single moms of Christmas past, present, and future for the support I needed to pull off my first holiday season as a single mom.

I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy, and there were moments I felt like I was failing at everything while getting those holiday cards in the mail from well-meaning friends. On the front of the cards, their families smiled as I, with tear-stained eyes, had just got off the phone with my divorce lawyer.

I still hadn’t told people about our divorce, and I felt so alone and isolated. I knew I needed a little holiday magic not only to pull this all together but also to help me feel some joy in this season. After all, my kids were only young once, and I didn’t want to miss one joyful holiday with them.

I remember being so sad during the holidays, thinking of my first Christmas with my ex-husband and the big tree we had decorated together. And of my children’s first Christmases—now everything just felt so hard and different.

I called my sister, sobbing: “I can’t enjoy this year. I just can’t. How can I enjoy Christmas when everything feels like it’s falling apart?”

She calmly reminded me that Christmas is exactly the season to look for those small glimmers of joy. “Just take in those little moments,” she reminded me. So, I dried my tears and decided it was time to get that Christmas tree.

A Smaller Christmas Tree

In years past, we had gone out for a Christmas tree together, and my ex had done all of the physical heavy lifting and made sure the tree was stable in the stand.

How would I do this? I’m pretty short, and I had two small gentlemen by my side at all times.

So, I did what any modern woman does—I turned to the internet. I found a tree farm that delivered Christmas trees in a box—yes, live ones—and had a tree delivered right to our doorstep.

We opted for a smaller tree, so I could make sure I’d be able to handle it myself, and though I struggled with the stand and may have cried a little, I managed to screw it in, albeit a little crooked.

That night, after the tree was decorated and lit up, a shining star at the top, I felt great affection for our special little tree. She was standing, shining, and a little off-kilter, and so was I. I loved that little tree.

Rebranding Old Traditions

When it came to presents, I knew I had to stick to a budget, so I opted for thrift store finds and Ikea had great prices on stuffed animals and wooden toys.

And, of course, our elves came back for some mischief, and it was special for my boys to see that although their world had been turned upside down—the elves were still causing their regular naughtiness every night.

I quickly realized that when it came to holiday traditions, it wasn’t that I had to completely scrap our old ones but rebrand them.

It was too sad for me to use the same Christmas stockings we had always used as a family, so I got new stockings, just for me and the kids, with our names on them. On my stocking, I made sure to get my name, Olivia, as opposed to Mommy, to help me remember how strong I was and who I am inside.

Treating Myself

As for a gift for myself? I treated myself to brand-new pillows. A lot of them– super fluffy and soft pillows. I got rid of the pillows on the bed I had shared with my ex and replaced them with these safe-feeling, cozy, and welcoming giant pillows.

I felt loved and cared for. Any single mom will tell you that she barely takes care of herself, let alone during the holidays, so I was excited to gift myself something special and also necessary for my healing.

The holidays can be very lonely, especially as a single parent, so it’s important to remember that you are also a person who deserves a magical holiday season. You also deserve presents under the tree and candy in your stocking.

I bought myself a few used books, wrapped under the tree, and some new tea and candy for my stocking. Sure, it was me getting them for myself, but shouldn’t that be the love that comes before anything? The love I have for me?

I’m worthy of that love, and I know what I want for the holidays, so why not treat myself with those gifts under the tree?

It was important for my sons to see me modeling self-love, as I want them to feel worthy of that huge love, too. I want them to see my face light up when I open a new book and sip my new tea.

They deserve to see a joyful mom on Christmas morning, and I’m the only one who can make that happen.

I’m not going to lie and say that the holidays as a single mom aren’t tricky, there is still such a stigma around divorce, and you can feel isolated, lonely, and left out of family events.

But, all of that falls away when you realize you were the one who set up and decorated the tree alone, and you were the one who stayed up late wrapping gifts and filling stockings, and you’re the one who gets to have those holiday memories with your kids.

Nothing compares to that. If you’re a single mom this holiday season, remember you are worthy of gifts, chocolate, and joy. Fill that stocking, wrap those gifts for yourself, and be an example of holiday magic for the family you’re raising yourself.

Olivia Dreizen Howell is the Co-Founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry, a clinical hypnotherapist, a neurolinguistic practitioner, a certified life and success coach, and a single mom.

All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.

Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at [email protected]