I’m a Psychologist—Here’s Why People Fail Dry January

As the clock strikes 12 on New Year’s Eve, we surrender willingly to the symphony of celebratory cheers and clinking champagne glasses.

But amidst this sea of jubilant faces, many harbor a quiet commitment to embark on the challenge known as Dry January—a personal pledge to quit alcohol for one entire month.

As a psychologist with more than two decades under my therapeutic belt, I’ve worked with numerous clients who from their own experience have discovered that Dry January isn’t just a behavioral abstinence from alcohol.

In truth, it’s an intricate web of challenges involving unexpressed emotions, mental mayhem, and numerous personal and interpersonal psychological intricacies.

Beyond the physical act of quitting alcohol for a month, we each face an internal struggle to maintain this newly acquired behavior. To successfully quit alcohol—even if for just 31 days—we need to address this.

If you decide to quit alcohol for a month, but still have the identity of a “drinker”— physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and relationally—then any change can feel dissonant and unsustainable as we’re only addressing a part of the problem.

Consider my client Mark. He is a London-based recruitment consultant who had been wining and dining his clients for many years and felt this behavior was a crucial factor to his success in business.

His only respite from this relentless routine came in the form of Dry January with its promise of a fresh start, a healthier lifestyle, and the chance to inadvertently shed his “ever-expanding beer belly.”

The problem for Mark, and countless others grappling with the Dry January challenge, lies in the fact that alcohol isn’t just his selected beverage of choice, it’s seamlessly woven itself into the very fabric of his identity. And, more damningly, it’s intricately linked to his sense of safety and security.

For Mark, the prospect of abstaining is not just a detox from alcohol, it’s a potential unraveling of a safety net that has, over time, become tightly entwined with his professional success, promoting an underlying, perhaps unconscious, fear that quitting alcohol could cost him his job and, ultimately, his livelihood.

His inability to sustain Dry January is evident at every level of the self. As someone who drinks most days, to maintain his abstinence he’d need to: Reshape his habitual behavioral patterns associated with drinking; confront any underlying emotional pain and fears about losing his job; learn new skills that promote emotional resilience; and reframe thought patterns that link with maintaining alcohol consumption.

We can also see how societal norms, peer pressure, and cultural expectations play a significant role in reinforcing the likelihood that Mark will quit. I see this all too often in my clinic.

Take my client Sarah, who firmly “belongs” to the Sauvignon-supping school mom’s brigade, where the repeated routine is to crack open an ice-cold bottle chilling in the fridge—readily available to medicate the seemingly never-ending mountain of monotony.

Much like Mark, for Sarah, the arrival of Dry January brings with it a narrative that bolsters her inner desire to break free from this social construct.

Yet, without addressing how her drinking is intricately entwined with her identity and roles as a mother, wife, and “fun friend,” and without attending to this on each of the interconnected levels of the self, this fifth attempt to achieve her goal will likely remain unfulfilled once more.

You see, for those who can effortlessly forgo their favorite tipple, Dry January presents as a few weeks of simply selecting non-alcoholic alternatives. It’s merely a habitual behavior they can choose to take or leave.

However, for others, the act of abstaining from alcohol holds up a mirror that reflects the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and relational vulnerabilities they’ve been masking by indulging in this enchanting elixir.

With this veil of illusion removed, it doesn’t take a psychological excavation to uncover what lies buried beneath. Memories, fears, and anxieties are inadvertently unearthed, awaiting acknowledgment and full expression.

In the absence of a familiar crutch, the journey through Dry January becomes much more than an exercise in self-restraint; it becomes an arduous exploration of the whole Self, full of both internal and external challenges.

So, when next embarking on Dry January, or abstaining at any other time of the year, take a moment to firstly address who you need to become to sustainably achieve this challenge. Consider your identity at every level of the self to uncover what needs to change in the present for you to become the new future self you desire.

Perhaps ask yourself: Now as a non-drinker, how do I behave around alcohol? What situations might be challenging and how does my behavior differ now from when I was a drinker?

Then each morning, translate this into action by identifying three things that need to happen that day that will take you one step closer to becoming this new you; visualize these positive changes; act on them; and then tick them off in the evening once completed.

On an emotional level, explore how you will feel as a successful non-drinker. What steps need to happen to help you feel that way, and what difficult emotions might you need to process and express that could fuel a relapse. Take some time to journal on this or enlist a therapist or supportive friend if necessary.

Address the kind of thoughts, beliefs, and values that need to be present to sustain and support your new identity as a non-drinker, and work through any limiting or maladaptive thoughts that might hinder your progress or prompt you to give up.

At the spiritual level of the self, we need to connect you with your “why”—the deeper purpose that motivates you and gives this journey meaning. What makes this so important for you and how is this important beyond you?

Transform any emerging challenges into opportunities for growth and nurture your essence as a spiritual, as well as a physical, being through practices such as meditation, yoga, and prayer.

Finally, be sure to not only address your relationship with alcohol, but to enhance your connection to yourself and others, ensuring a supportive and compassionate environment that reinforces the maintenance of this healthier and happier you.

Remember, navigating change is a journey that takes time and adopting an all-or-nothing strategy like Dry January—be it total abstinence or extreme restriction—often magnifies our craving for what we’re striving to avoid.

This heightened desire frequently paves the way for an inescapable cycle of setbacks, followed by feelings of guilt and shame that swiftly lure us back into the clutches of the very habits we sought to shed.

In light of the challenges discussed, successfully achieving and maintaining sobriety is clearly more than a test of willpower and impacts social drinkers and those with alcohol dependencies alike.

So be kind to yourself and break free from this cycle by fostering a more measured and compassionate approach to change.

View each relapse not as a failure, but as an opportunity for growth, providing valuable insights into the underlying dynamics of your relationship with alcohol and, ultimately, with yourself.

Amanda Charles, CPsychol., is an experienced International Chartered Counselling Psychologist (BPS), Registered Practitioner Psychologist (HCPC), Life Coach, NLP, EFT and EMDR Practitioner, Hypno-Psychotherapist, Reiki Healer, Psychic-Medium and Meditation Teacher. Her debut book published by Hay House UK: The Psychic Psychologist®, Heal your Past, Find Peace in the Present, Transform your Future, is available for pre-order in all bookshops and is released on Feb 20, 2024.

All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.

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