Kevin McCarthy is obviously a big fan of the debt ceiling. (Or at least the Cyrano who writes Kevin McCarthy’s thoughts is.) Little-known fact: that’s not the only ceiling that Kevin McCarthy has an opinion about. Read on to find out whether he likes or dislikes each of the following ceilings:
Glass ceilings
Likes, obviously.
The ceiling of the Speaker of the House’s office
Likes—he’s dreamed of looking up at it his whole life!
Any low ceiling
Likes—they make him feel tall.
Any high ceiling
Dislikes (see above).
The ceiling on racial advancement
Likes (see: “glass ceiling”).
The ceiling of his frat house
Likes—he never emotionally left it behind.
The ceiling of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s office
Likes—especially when looking up at it, while applying chapstick.
The ceiling of a library
Dislikes, obviously.
The ceiling on student-loan debt
Dislikes—college doesn’t make you smart. He should know.
The ceiling on student-loan-debt forgiveness
Likes—should not be raised higher than his ankles.
The ceiling of Matt Gaetz’s office
Dislikes—why is he so mean?!
The ceiling of the Oval Office
Likes—don’t tell anyone, but he thinks Biden is a pretty rad dude. And the ceiling has all kinds of pretty pictures on it!
The ceiling of the office of the person explaining to him what the debt ceiling is
Likes—he’s been so confused. Also dislikes, because, like, what even *is *the debt ceiling?
The ceiling of his childhood bedroom
Likes—everything was easier back then. For example, though it’s a stretch to say that his stuffed animals thought that he was a genius, there was one Teddy bear who once commented that he seemed quite sharp.
The ceiling of Trader Joe’s
Likes—free samples!
The great big ceiling in the sky on a sunny day
Likes—he can stare at it and then blink cool dark spots into the chambers of Congress.
The ceiling of a baby’s room
Likes—the spinning mobiles soothe him to sleep.
Any ceiling in a room where people aren’t laughing at him
Likes, obviously.
The ceiling of the congressional locker that Steve Scalise shoves him into
Likes—it technically counts as a room where people aren’t laughing at him. ♦