A dad-of-three has been praised online for standing up to his dad and brother, and refusing to put their needs above those of his wife and three children, as he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his father did.
In a viral Reddit post, user u/Junior-Crew-6490 wrote earlier this month that he’s “not going to neglect” his own family in the same way he believes his dad did, as he prioritized his siblings over his children. The Redditor, who is one of four children, recounts his difficult childhood when his dad “missed a lot of events” and “was barely home” because he spent so much of his time with his own brothers.
From a young age, the Redditor knew he “didn’t want to be the same” as his dad and vowed to always put his wife and children first. But now that’s become a reality, because after his sibling asked for help with some home repairs, the Redditor responded to say: “my priority is my wife.”
The post reads: “My younger brother recently asked me to spend the weekend helping him with repairs. It would be a lot of work, about 12-hour days. I said I could help a few hours one day, but my wife is recovering from a c-section, and we have the deal that I look after our older two (1 and 3).
“I have to return to work soon so I want to help her as much as I can. We have a mother’s helper when I go back to work, but for now, I’m all she has. My brother got mad and said this needs to get done and he can’t put it off. I said this is all I can offer.”
The sibling was horrified that u/Junior-Crew-6490 refused to help and resorted to telling their dad, who said that “siblings need to come first.”
The post continues: “I said that’s not true. We each have families and we can’t always prioritize family. He kept arguing and I said I am not going to be him, abandoning his wife for days on end and neglecting his family. He called me an ungrateful brat. My mom says she agrees with what I’m doing but I should’ve just stuck to I wasn’t helping.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Junior-Crew-6490 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Photo-illustration by Newsweek/Getty
While the Redditor’s family does not agree with his stance, licensed psychologist Dr. Ray Christner has praised his desire to disrupt the generational behaviors, telling Newsweek that it’s “commendable to prioritize his immediate family.”
It can be incredibly difficult to move away from family dynamics and deep-rooted behaviors that are instilled from a young age, but the Redditor has shown a willingness to shift his priorities and leave his dad’s parenting technique in the past, Dr. Christner suggested.
Dr. Christner, from Hanover, Pennsylvania, said: “His effort to shape a new way of thinking, especially in the context of prioritizing support for his spouse and children, requires courage and involves confronting and unlearning patterns that may have been seen as normal within their family.”
He continued: “This shift in priorities can cause tension within the family, especially if the extended family holds strong expectations based on past behaviors. However, setting healthy boundaries is essential for this individual, and can lead to more balanced and fulfilling relationships with his wife and children in the long run.”
In order for the extended family to see the poster’s actions in a positive way, Dr. Christner suggests they need to understand that it reflects a desire to grow and be more supportive of the next generation, rather than seeing it as a bad thing. This may not be easy, but Dr. Christner said he would “encourage him to try to communicate his intentions and boundaries clearly, while also expressing empathy for his extended family’s feelings.”
Reddit Users React
Since the Reddit post was shared on February 8, u/Junior-Crew-6490 shared updates to add that he is going to help his brother for a few hours, after being encouraged by his own wife to do so.
He commented: “My wife is the one who told me to go for the few hours because her sister will be over. I wasn’t originally going to help but she insisted. So, I feel confident doing so. If she had truly no one, I wouldn’t go at all.”
The viral post has captured plenty of attention, and it has already received over 4,200 votes and 300 comments at the time of writing. Many Reddit users applauded the poster for being so firm and insisted he’s not in the wrong.
One comment reads: “Prioritizing your family means your whole family, and a wife recovering from surgery beats a brother who needs help with a remodel. That said, please don’t make the same mistake as your father but in the other direction. If your brother needs help with something and you *can” help, you shouldn’t say no just because your dad overdid it.”
Another Reddit user wrote: “Your dad and his drama are no longer your concern. You’re a fully functioning adult and your perspective on this is, quite frankly, better than your dad’s. So, tell him to butt out of your life, he can no longer control or affect your decisions. And if he is such a family man himself, he can go and help with the repairs himself, or he can shut up.”
A third Reddit user commented: “You are correct every step of this story. Your priority is your wife and children, not your brother’s repairs. Your father is a poor example of a good parent and he doesn’t like being told the truth. Too bad for him, his opinions on the subject are of no value.”
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.