An internet post has sparked a debate over whether it’s acceptable to keep family wealth a secret from a romantic partner.
In a viral Reddit post, user u/diamondalarmbells shared the dilemma on the platform, revealing that their boyfriend, “Callum”, was upset after learning about the wealth of their family during a visit with the Redditor’s father. Since it was posted nine days ago, the post has received 3,400 upvotes and 1,400 comments.
The original poster (OP) wrote that Callum had become visibly uncomfortable upon seeing the lavish lifestyle of the OP’s father, leading to tension during the lunch they were having at the father’s home. Callum later expressed frustration, saying he felt blindsided by the revelation of the OP’s family’s wealth. He argued that knowing about their wealth beforehand would have allowed him to prepare better for the meeting.
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The OP defended the decision not to mention their family’s financial background.
“I take issue with him calling it hiding something, it’s just not relevant,” they wrote. “Callum hasn’t let it go and is now digging into irrelevant stuff such as my previous vacations, my living situation, and my job, apparently so he can figure out what exactly my ‘lifestyle’ is. I think he’s totally lost the plot…is this a thing you ‘warn’ people about?”
The OP clarified that her parents are not “rich like what you would think of when you think rich,” but have been able to give them and their siblings “nice lives”.
Later, in a comment, the OP revealed that their dad is in the top one percent income bracket and paid seven figures for the house he lives in. This discrepancy led to accusations from commenters of the OP being out of touch with reality.
Should We Disclose Our Financial Backgrounds to Our Partners?
To shed light on the relational dynamics at play, Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Adelphi University, emphasized—along with many commenters— the importance of honesty and transparency in relationships. He told Newsweek that withholding crucial information, such as financial status, could be perceived as a betrayal of trust.
“Once you realize your partner isn’t a team player, makes unilateral decisions that affect you, and hides that from you, suspiciousness creeps into the relationship,” Josephs said. “When people enter a committed relationship, they should know what they are signing up for. That includes knowing your partner’s sexual and financial history.”
Transparency matters more than keeping up certain appearances, he said—and the implications of omitted information leaking out later on can be damaging to a relationship.
Redditors seem to agree.
“The reality is learning your partner comes from an unimaginable background like that with no warning is threatening,” u/hexxcellent wrote. “It’d make me question everything. Our dates, present exchanges…And then in the long-term these sudden expectations of having to adjust your career goals to maintain their lifestyle. And what about marriage? What kind of brutal prenup are you in for? What happens if you don’t get a prenup? The rich spouse’s family can obviously afford the best lawyers to rake you over the coals.”
Newsweek reached out to u/diamondalarmbells for comment via Reddit.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.