Mom Dragged for Choosing Between Daughter’s Graduation and New Grandchild

A mom has been criticized for skipping her daughter’s graduation because her other daughter had just given birth.

In a post on Reddit from a user who has since deleted their account, the 27-year-old explained how the family argument had started. She was due to be graduating from grad school on Sunday at 4 p.m., but her sister gave birth to her first baby on Sunday at 2.30 a.m. The family all went to the hospital, as per her sister’s request, to visit the new mom and baby who were both happy and healthy.

By Sunday afternoon, the poster asked her mom if she was going home with her to get ready for the graduation, or just meeting her there. But she didn’t expect the response she got. “My mom looked at me funny and said, ‘You can’t really expect me to leave your sister and my grandbaby right now.’ I didn’t know what to say, but my dad just told me to go get ready and they would meet me there,” wrote the poster.

When the poster got to her graduation, sure enough her mom did not attend. Her dad was there and, while she was pleased to be graduating, the daughter was hurt that her mom hadn’t attended.

Hypnotherapist and life coach Victoria Paterson told Newsweek that splitting time between children is always tough for parents: “It has always been difficult to parents to split time between their children equally. In fact, in many cases, it’s impossible and impractical,” she said.

“Here, we have a mother and older daughter who have made the same life choices about having a baby, and it’s likely that the mother feels ‘closer’ to the older daughter as a result.

“The poster hasn’t said if her mother has also attended graduate school, but given the ages of the people involved, it seems unlikely. If so, there is no shared experience or bond of ‘graduating from grad school’ here, and it’s entirely possible the mother simply doesn’t see this graduation as a big deal,” added Paterson.

The poster wrote: “I won an award from my program director and gave a speech in which I thanked [mom] specifically and she missed the whole thing. I got back to the hospital and didn’t really talk to my mom because I didn’t want to make a scene or stress out my sister. Last night my mom called me and I expressed to her how hurt I was, and she said I’m being selfish.”

The young woman explained that in her mind, the baby had been born and all was well: “My plan was just to go to graduation and pick up my sister’s favorite pizza (she was craving it) on the way back and eat with her. My dad and I did just that and in total my father was away from the hospital for right around 3 hours.

“I understand that giving birth is a huge deal and I’m so proud of my sister. I don’t mean to act like my graduation was more important. I just feel like there wasn’t a need to choose and my mother could have done both because my dad did,” the poster added.

With over 11,000 upvotes and thousands of comments, Reddit users overwhelmingly criticized the mom for not attending her daughter’s graduation ceremony.

‘Your Mom Could Totally Have Been There for Both Her Kids That Day’

“Your mom had no reason to skip your graduation. She wasn’t needed at the hospital, and the birth had already happened, and she met the baby hours and hours before,” posted one commenter.

Another wrote: “Congrats on your graduation and award. Your mom could totally have been there for both her kids that day. Pity she made the choice she did. You have every right to be upset.”

Another Reddit commenter agreed that the mom should have been there. She posted: “I understand having a baby is a big deal but your mom could have been there for you.” Another agreed: “How can a parent fail a child like that? Your graduation just like your sister’s birth are both once in a lifetime events.”

But Paterson explained that it isn’t always easy to avoid so-called favoritism between children. “Parents having ‘favorites’ may be taboo, but it’s common—and it’s no different than us preferring some of our friends over others,” she said.

“As a therapist, I would ask the poster to think carefully about what she is seeking from her mother, and whether her mother is actually capable of giving her what she is looking for,” Paterson added.

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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