Mom Giving Son Name She Knew Would Anger Father-in-Law Backed

A mom has won support online after explaining why she angered her father-in-law by ignoring his wish to have her newborn son named after him, and choosing to honor her own father instead.

This issue is one of the central questions in a viral post to Reddit’s “Am I The A******?” forum, where the original poster (OP) u/Adept_Juggernaut_231, 26, explained the complicated—but also heartwarming—situation in her post, which in only three days received over 9,000 upvotes.

The post recounts the mom’s challenging labor experience and the subsequent visit from her parents and in-laws. Amidst the chaos of the birth, her father stood out by offering support and companionship, prompting her to honor him by giving her son his name as a middle name. However, this decision angered the mom’s father-in-law, who had longed for a grandson to be named after him.

“I kept thinking about what my dad did for the next few days and I decided that I would give my newborn son my father’s name as his middle name,” the OP wrote. “However, this is where the problem began. We knew my [father-in-law] would be pretty pissed at this.”

The loving act by the OP’s father was also widely praised in the comments.

“Everyone was fussing over the babies…My dad, however, sat by me first and just held my hand for a bit,” the OP wrote. “When I told him to go get some cuddles in with the twins, he said ‘I’m here to see my baby,’ meaning me. It was honestly so sweet and I started tearing up. I didn’t even realize how invisible I felt when my husband was sleeping, and my dad was there to make sure I was also being taken care of.”

The OP went on to describe her father-in-law’s reaction to the naming decision, which went over less heartwarmingly: “My husband has a complicated relationship with his father so he wasn’t comfortable naming our son after him, but we agreed to give them the same initials so they’d both be AHD,” she wrote. “He accepted this, but when he found out we were switching the middle name for my father, he lost his mind.”

What should the OP do?

Carole Cox, licensed marriage and family therapist, shed light on the familial dynamics at play in the OP’s situation. She told Newsweek that it was important for the mom and her new family unit to set boundaries as circumstances and relationships change.

“When we marry, we form new bonds and create new rules and boundaries with our new families apart from our extended families—we have the ultimate choices over the decisions we make about how we operate our lives,” she said. “In this specific situation, the parents have a responsibility to themselves.”

While Cox acknowledged that she and viewers of the post cannot know the family dynamics that pre-date the situation, she said that it appears complex. But even in this complexity, there can be resoluteness: “I am a firm believer that in life, no one should act on a decision that serves solely to appease another person,” she said.

In this vein, Cox said she doesn’t believe the mom and her husband were in the wrong for this decision—but, if they wanted to offer some sort of compromise—she has seen parents use two middle names to honor more than one family member. This, however, should not be the main priority, she said.

“In general, people want to try to maintain healthy relationships with their families,” she said. “Their first priority is to maintain a healthy relationship with one another and feel confident with the choices they make together as a new family.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Adept_Juggernaut_231 for comment via Reddit.