Mom Slammed for Grounding Daughter over What She Did to Best Friend

A mom who decided to ground her daughter after discovering the details of a falling out she had with her best friend has been slammed after the truth of what happened was revealed.

In a Reddit post shared under the handle u/Logical_Policy2301, a woman explained how, for the past two weeks, her daughter “has not been able to hangout with anyone, has had her phone taken away, and her laptop.”

She said she made the decision after looking through her daughter’s messages on her phone. “She was having a fight with her best friend,” the mom said. “Her best friend came over, p****d, and said she took a ‘prank’ way too far.”

The mom took the decision to ground her daughter after learning the details of what had happened. However, a subsequent confession from her daughter has left her wondering if punishing her had been a mistake.

Many parents today are keen to avoid repeating what they see as the mistakes of previous generations, not least when it comes to how they punish their children. In a poll of 2,000 U.S. parents with school-age children conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Osmo, a significant number appeared opposed to confining their kids to the house.

Asked about which aspects of their own childhood they would rather not pass on to their children, 35 percent said they would never tell their kids to “go to your room” while 32 percent were against the idea of putting them on time out.

The poll also found that 30 percent of respondents were against the idea of grounding their kids. This particular mom has been having second thoughts of her own after grounding her daughter.

She took the decision after learning that her daughter told her friend she had “feelings” for her. According to the Reddit post the friend “freaked out”, telling her daughter “I need to process this.”

However, the daughter quickly walked back her claim telling her friend it was “a prank.” The friend was left upset by this and branded her daughter “cruel.” They are no longer on speaking terms and the daughter has since been grounded after her mom found out what happened.

“She doesn’t get to play these childish games, that was not a funny prank and she needs to know that,” she said.

However, since then the daughter has been “really depressed and crying” not just because she and her best friend are no longer speaking but also because she said the confession was “not a prank” and she only said it was because she “got scared.”

The daughter remains distraught while her mom has been left feeling guilty over what happened.

“I do feel bad for punishing her for the past two weeks now that I know she isn’t straight,” she said. Even so, the mom wondered whether she was still right to ground her.

Holly Humphreys, Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in self-esteem, relationships and stress at Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of online and in-person therapy services, told Newsweek on one level the mom had “every right” to look through her daughter’s phone given that she likely pays the bills. However, she felt more could have been done to establish a set of rules around privileges like laptops, phones and seeing friends.

“You want to build up some trust with your kids so making it clear from the beginning of giving a phone or electronics to a child that this is a stipulation to having any of these privileges which can be taken away at any time for inappropriate behavior,” she said. “Parents should also go over what is considered inappropriate behavior so that the expectations are clear to everyone.”

She also felt that the mother and daughter needed to establish open lines of communication where honesty is encouraged at all times.

“Parents should cultivate an atmosphere that is open and understanding when your child does come to you with a problem,” she said. “If a child thinks that a parent will dismiss their feelings or judge them, then the child will have more tendencies to lie about things.”

That said, she felt in this instance the daughter “did lie” so should face the consequences. She did, however, encourage both parties to have a “calm discussion” about what happened.

“The mother can then help her daughter develop a plan as to how she can apologize and appropriately express those feelings to her friend,” she said.

Many on Reddit felt the mom had ultimately made a mistake in grounding her daughter.

“You were going on the assumption that it was a prank that was s****y,” one wrote. “Now that you know it wasn’t a prank, she needs your love and support and guidance, not punishment.”

A second said: “You misjudged the situation and made a decision that you thought was the best with information you had at the moment…You grounded her to teach her that she can’t bully or hurt people like that. Now that you know the truth, I’m sure you will apologize and correct the situation.”

Some were less measured in their response though. “I hope you feel incredibly guilty for how you’ve spoken to your daughter. You literally called her a bad person. Even if it was a stupid prank that would still be out of proportion,” one said.

Newsweek reached out to u/Logical_Policy2301 for comment but were unable to verify the details of the case.

If you have a parenting dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.