A new mom who decided not to travel to her brother-in-law’s wedding weeks after having a baby has been backed after she refused to help out with childcare for other attendees.
Reddit user u/Equivalent-Pen-1917 explained in a now-viral post that she’s had a difficult relationship with her brother-in-law since a 2018 incident in which he got drunk and said “extremely offensive” things about her. He is now having a child-free wedding at a location that’s two hours away from her home just a few weeks after she gave birth.
After receiving the invitation, the Redditor responded to say she and her husband, the groom’s brother, “wouldn’t be attending because [they] couldn’t leave [their] baby overnight,” especially at only seven weeks old. Their family was terribly upset and argued that some of the cousins had small children but were still attending.
“We thought that was the end of it. Three days ago, get a message from one of the cousins asking to call about wedding, I showed it to hubby and we forgot about it until yesterday. Cousin’s wife called wanting to know what items she should bring for her daughter,” the Redditor wrote.
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“Turns out, [father-in-law and brother-in-law] told family that we aren’t attending to keep all the cousins’ children. I was mad, told her that was not true, I wasn’t running an overnight drop-in service for a bunch of people who didn’t even like me,” she wrote.
The family couldn’t grasp why the poster didn’t want to attend the wedding, leaving her newborn with a stranger overnight, nor why she subsequently refused to babysit the children of other relatives while they went to the wedding.
For many, it isn’t an easy decision to say no to a wedding invitation, but etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts says that people’s decisions should be respected.
“The new mom has made a personal decision to prioritize the well-being of her newborn baby. Family dynamics aside, it’s really her decision alone to make,” Grotts told Newsweek. “She isn’t being rude because she responded to the invitation, and with a legitimate reason.”
Weddings are a big commitment for any guest, and Grotts said that “timing is everything” in this Redditor’s case. However, the news can be broken in a gentle way, as Grotts suggests adding an apologetic note in an RSVP when not attending.
“Hopefully there was a caveat in her reply of how much she wanted to attend, but that her child took precedence.”
Some of the Reddit poster’s family have backed the firm stance she’s taken. However, there are many who think she’s “being petty and holding a grudge” against the brother-in-law since they fell out several years ago.
With over 5,800 votes on the post since it was shared on August 29, and more than 1,500 comments, many Reddit users insisted she isn’t in the wrong.
“Be prepared they will leave their kids at your doorstep the day off. Don’t be home, plan a trip with your baby and husband. Your husband is doing the only thing that he should do, and that’s not going to that wedding, especially since his family keep disrespecting you, his wife,” one commenter wrote.
“They are making themselves look bad. This isn’t your problem, or responsibility. These people treat you badly, then expect things from you. I think not,” another Redditor commented.
Newsweek reached out to u/Equivalent-Pen-1917 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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