Reason Man Dumped Girlfriend of Four Years Applauded: ‘Good Luck’

Could a discrepancy over who owes what at a restaurant end a relationship? While most people may argue that it could not, for one man it has, and internet users have applauded him for cutting the cord in his relationship.

The man’s decision not to cover the bill for his girlfriend’s group of friends at a restaurant on her birthday had led to the breakup. It has captured internet users’ attentions, and sparked an online discussion about modern dating.

The man, who has not been named but goes by u/Western-Echidna-5626 on Reddit, had organized a birthday celebration for his girlfriend at a high-end restaurant, inviting four of her friends.

Despite traditionally paying for major expenses like rent and utilities in their shared apartment, the man was taken aback when everyone ordered pricey items from the fancy menu. Assuming financial responsibility only for himself and his girlfriend, he requested the bill to be split when it arrived, totaling around 1,100 euros.

The reaction was immediate and palpable. “I remember the smiles being wiped off their faces as soon as I said that,” the man said in his post to Reddit.

The situation escalated from there, leading to a silent car ride home and a week of his girlfriend giving him the silent treatment. This ultimately revealed deeper issues over expectations and the demise of their relationship.

His girlfriend accused him of embarrassing her in front of her friends by not adhering to traditional norms where the man would cover the entire bill.

The poster had said: “The thought of me not paying, being the culprit, kept creeping into my mind, but I would always reassure myself by telling myself that my girlfriend wouldn’t be dumb enough to expect me to pay for everyone’s food.

“I just lost it last Monday and demanded an answer from her. She ended up telling me that I embarrassed her in front of her friends by not paying for everyone. I asked her why it was my responsibility to pay. She told me that since I organized everything and I was ‘THE MAN’, I was obliged to pay for everyone.

“We ended up getting into a heated argument, and I ended up staying at my parents’ house for the next couple of days to gather my thoughts. I came home last Friday. We got into another heated argument, and I broke up with her then and there, telling her to pack her things,” the man added.

In a tear-jerking admission, the Reddit user wrote at the bottom of his post that he is still in love with his ex-partner but that he “just wants to forget about everything”.

“I almost immediately regretted dumping her on the spot for something that in the grand scheme of things, is really small,” the man added.

“She sent me an apology yesterday for calling me those names, but she insisted on me paying back her friends if I wanted to make our relationship work. I have been a mess since. I don’t want to throw away four years with someone I considered to be the future mother of my kids.

“I could have given her friends a heads up that I wouldn’t be covering for them, and I know that’s completely my fault. But her behavior over the past two weeks has also been quite concerning to me,” the man added.

This dispute over gendered expectations and financial equity in relationships is a classic trigger for conflict, as noted by Dr. Carole Lieberman, a forensic psychiatrist who commented on a similar case for Newsweek.

“Money is one of the main reasons couples divorce. This newlywed couple should have spoken of their feelings about money before they got married, to make sure they’re on the same page,” Lieberman said, referring to a different couple.

“Some couples feel that the modern or ‘cool’ way to handle money—from dating to marriage—is for the woman to pay her share. But, many women still like it the traditional way, where the man pays—especially at restaurants and other entertainment.”

How Could You Resolve This Issue?

Seth Eisenberg is a licensed practical application of intimate relationship skills (PAIRS) counselor.

“Couples naturally go through four predictable stages of relationship: illusion, disillusion, confusion, conclusion. And this couple is clearly caught in stage three: ‘confusion’. They have an opportunity to deepen their connection with each other in a way that will leave them closer, more intimate, and more committed, or they can lose it all and, ultimately, start over with someone else,” Eisenberg told Newsweek.

“I would recommend the following approach to [resolving this issue]. This isn’t to tell the couple how to resolve the situation, but to offer them a skill called PAIRS Talking Tips, which can help couples confide and listen to each other and find their own solution.

“Using that tool, the woman would confide in her partner something like this: ‘I notice you didn’t pay for my friends at my birthday dinner. I assume this means you didn’t think that, as the person inviting everyone to celebrate my birthday, it was your obligation to pay for the dinner. I am frustrated that you embarrassed me in front of my friends. I worry about this leading us to break up forever. I want you to pay my friends back and apologize for the misunderstanding. I appreciate you for planning the dinner and how kind and generous you are in so many ways. I realize it was all a misunderstanding,’ Eisenberg said.

“Afterwards, he could use the same tool to confide in her or simply thank her for expressing her feelings and talk about what they’re going to do. The most important thing for a couple in crisis is to find their own answer because there will be more challenges in the future. Learning to resolve those challenges together is what relationship skills training makes possible,” he added.

What Do the Comments Say?

Internet users have been in overwhelming support of the man in his decision to end his relationship. Since it had been shared to Reddit seven days ago, the post has been upvoted more than 22,000 times.

“She literally values a few hundred dollars to each of her friends, over your relationship. She is so concerned and upset that you broke up with her, that this is still the top of the list of demands to make the relationship work. Let this sink in dude,” one user wrote.

Another added: “I agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if she dumps him herself after he transfers money to her friends. She is clearly making it clear that she does not value this relationship.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Western-Echidna-5626 for more information via Reddit.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.