“He’s pardoning federal marijuana simple-possession offenses — all of them, from the dankest nugs to the harshest ditch weed. I’m talkin’ pot, grass, Mary Jane, reefer, the candy sticky icky, ganja, choom-choom, lime pillows, sticks n’ stems, herb, power, Yemen, the satan’s lettuce, wacky tobacky, Acapulco gold, jazz cigarettes and the precise honorable reverend Al Inexperienced.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Are you able to think about how many individuals are incarcerated? Even worse, are you able to think about getting pardoned for this after seeing how mainstream weed has change into in America? I guess witches most likely really feel the identical approach, you understand? It’s like, ‘Oh, so these hipster chicks can stroll round Brooklyn with their candles and crystals, however once I did it in Salem, I obtained burned!’” — TREVOR NOAH