Viral Video Shares How Men and Women Act Differently in Relationships

A video claiming a simple theory about the roles of men and women in relationships has gone viral on TikTok.

In the video, TikTok user Cassidy (@juminjuice) says that when men are in love, they act like children, while women in love act like mothers. The video has 1.5 million views since being posted on February 5.

“So, if your man is acting like a kid, let them be,” she said at the end of the video.

Though Cassidy said she doesn’t remember where she read it, her theory has merit. Audrey Schoen, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told Newsweek she often sees this dynamic in her work with couples.

“Women report often feeling like their husband’s ‘mother,'” Schoen said. “Though the men don’t often recognize it or understand why. For them, it’s just normal.”

While commenters on TikTok pointed to Sigmund Freud as the source of this theory, Schoen’s explanation is rooted a bit less in psychoanalytic theory and more in day-to-day gender roles.

“The social construct of the man as the breadwinner remains,” she said. “Women remain largely in charge of managing the home and caregiving needs.”

Schoen said these roles run deep. Children are socialized from a young age to behave in line with their gender.

“From a young age, [girls] take on caregiving roles, while also watching their mothers take responsibility for much of the daily family caregiving…Similarly, boys are socialized to be cared for as they watch their fathers abdicate these duties to the mother,” Schoen said.

Some commenters on Cassidy’s TikTok rejected this dynamic: “I did not sign up to be with a child,” user @lue_yanda wrote.

Indeed, Schoen said a maternalizing dynamic in relationships can lead to frustration and stuckness. Part of this has to do with the way these roles become unseen and unchallenged.

“For many adult men who grew up this way, the mental and physical load of caretaking seems to become invisible…Ultimately, women end up taking over or doing it themselves because it’s ‘easier,'” she said. “The wife’s avoidance keeps the dynamic going by keeping her husband blind to the workload.”

Not all hope is lost for a more balanced relationship, though. With work, Schoen said couples can change these patterns—as long as they are willing to acknowledge them.

“Changing this dynamic takes work and a lot of frustration tolerance for both parties,” she said. “But we all have a responsibility in making this different, both for ourselves and our children.”

Newsweek reached out to @juminjuice for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.