Wife Slammed As Husband Discovers What She’s Been Lying About for 14 Years

A heartbroken man has turned to Reddit for advice after finding out his wife cheated on him over a decade ago.

The 35-year-old who goes by the username Strange_Tadpole_3749 explained that he has been in a relationship with his wife, 37, for 14 years—and married for 11.

“Last year, I [learned] that my wife cheated on me before our marriage,” he wrote.

He explained that his wife’s friend “confessed her actions” after turning to religion.

At the time of writing, the post has racked up 10,300 upvotes since it was shared on March 5.

He explained: “She was shocked that I [learned] it and apologized profusely about her actions. However, she said it’s not something important now because we have been going strong and have a family together.

“She told me I should come to terms with it since it happened four months into being exclusive and she was a stupid girl out of college back then. My mind told me the same. It happened 14 years ago and we are happy right now. I decided to forgive her and continue our usual life.”

However, the man’s mental health declined and he was unable to forget about it.

“I realized it’s not something that happened 14 years ago for me. The cheating happened to me when my wife confirmed it,” he said.

He explained that he was “not the same person” and even went to therapy for one year, along with couples counseling sessions.

“However, at the end of everything I decided to proceed with divorce,” he said.

He bullet-pointed his reasons which include feeling “robbed of having a choice” as a younger man and no longer wanting to have sex with her. He states that he doesn’t want this to affect their family life, as they have a 7-year-old daughter.

The post conclusion says: “Last week, I had a sit down with my wife and explained everything I wrote here in detail, my feelings, reasonings, and some other private things. I have been talking to a lawyer for the last month and papers are almost finalized. 50/50 custody, 50/50 assets sharing, and as amicable as possible.

“I explained everything thoroughly and clearly to her. She freaked out and had a panic attack. We spent the night at the ER. She is begging me to reconsider and not throw away 14 years. However, even though I would like to stay it will result in us being roommates and a broken family environment for our daughter.”

‘Couples Can Move Past Cheating’

Newsweek discussed the post with Danny Zane, a therapist who specializes in relationship counselling at North London Therapy.

He said: “His current fixed way of thinking appears to be stemming from his belief that being cheated on is a deal breaker, and that’s all there is to it. He and his wife can work through his beliefs and fixed views, changing his way of thinking and ability to see this in other lights and thus being able to be less rigid and more flexible in this particular belief. This can help open up many different options and paths to be able to move past the cheating and work on their marriage and a future together.

“Couples can move past cheating. In this case he found out from someone else which often does not help. The one who has cheated did not come forward with their admission to start the process of getting through what they have done and being honest with their partner. Couples vary in the amount they can process and get through, but with the right support and effort, couples can get through so much together, often growing from their shared experiences.”

Zane has suggested Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is a type of psychotherapy. It is aimed to help people change unhelpful or unhealthy ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.

So far, the husband has been inundated with supportive comments from 7,600 Reddit users.

One user said: “NTA Your wife lied to you for years and she just wants you to ‘get over it.’ Your wife is shocked that she is being held accountable for her actions. Accountability is kryptonite for people like her.”

“This is tough. But if she’s been faithful and they’ve had a great relationship since then, I just couldn’t throw my wife aside like that. But to each their own, and I’m not living it,” said another user.

Newsweek reached out to u/Strange_Tadpole_3749 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Has infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.