Woman Explains Mom of Husband’s Late Wife Is Grandma to Her Baby: ‘Family’

A woman has opened up about the special relationship the mother of her husband’s late wife has with her infant daughter.

Kirsten Clawson from Utah shared heartwarming footage of “Grandma Cari” playing with her baby Maisie on social media alongside the simple but poignant message that “family isn’t always linear.”

“I just wanted others to know that beautiful things come from the hardest of experiences. Joy and grief can and do co-exist,” Clawson told Newsweek.

“I love how beautiful their relationship is. There’s no hesitation on grandma’s part to be in our baby’s life. She yearns for it, and our baby sees her as someone who loves her immensely. It’s just so sweet.”

Clawson met Maisie’s father Jason in bittersweet circumstances, following the death of her first husband. “We met through a Facebook widow and widower support group,” she said.

The connection they developed through social media eventually blossomed into love and then marriage, with Maisie following along after that. Finding that connection after suffering the loss of her first husband has been a difficult process.

The psychological and physical health impacts of losing a husband or wife are well documented. Sleep disruption, depressive episodes, anxiety, impaired immune function, and overall poorer physical health were just some of the issues highlighted in a 2011 study on spousal bereavement published in the academic journal Death Studies.

Clawson may have found love with Jason, but she’s still in mourning for the husband she lost and doesn’t shy away from those feelings. “You have to feel the emotions. You have to let yourself feel and acknowledge and move through them, otherwise they sit in your body and they bubble up as anger or despair,” she said. “That’s what I do, I allow myself to feel the heavy emotions of losing love and then finding love again. It’s not easy.”

Clawson’s unique family setup has helped her along the journey. Jason’s late wife left behind two kids, Boston and Cooper, and from the start of their relationship, Clawson understood the importance of maintaining a bond with their late mom’s family.

“I don’t ever want those kids to think that I’ve negatively affected their relationship with their mom’s family,” she said. “That relationship is so important for them to have.”

Yet, in Grandma Cari, Clawson she struck up a unique bond: they were bonded by grief.

“I have to give so much credit to his late in-laws because they really welcomed me with open arms when I married their late daughter’s husband,” Clawson said. “But I’ve also tried to be very thoughtful toward their situation, too. I really strive to demonstrate to them that I am not here to replace their daughter and I honor her memory.”

Honoring her memory includes having pictures of Jason’s late wife up around the house. Her birthday is celebrated each year, while she remains in their thoughts and day-to-day conversations.

“I think that has really helped them to know that I’m not here to eliminate her memory, I am here to enhance it. And because of that, they’ve remained very active in our family’s life,” Clawson said.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology acknowledged that while bereaved parents suffer in much the same way as grieving spouses, recovery from grief was associated with having a sense of purpose in life.

While her grandkids Boston and Cooper had already given them some sense of purpose, adopting the role of “third grandma” to Maisie has helped create a unique family bond that is going from strength to strength.

For Clawson, the key to helping build this unique bond has been by simply being there for her husband’s late wife’s parents wherever possible. “What’s really helped foster the relationship is that we accept their invitations, whether that’s to dinner or activities or even family trips,” she said. “We show up for them so they know they’re not losing this family just because their daughter died.”