A woman who refused to babysit for her son because his daughter is not her biological grandchild has been backed online by some social media users.
According to the woman’s Reddit post in the Am I The A******? (AITA) thread, user FaithlessnessWild215 wrote on Wednesday that her son was previously married to a woman named Emma and had a young daughter. However, he began to have doubts about whether he was the girl’s father so decided to get a DNA test.
“He was not,” she wrote. “But he has been in the kid’s life for four years and his name is on the birth certificate so he is legally responsible and he still loves the kid.”
While it’s evident that this setup did not sit well with the woman writing the post, her main issue concerned child care. “My issue is that before they divorced I was never allowed near the grandkid,” she wrote. “I asked to babysit but they both cited that my home was unsafe and they do not trust me with a baby, even if I raised four kids.”
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Pew Research Center data estimates that around 16 percent of children in the United States live as part of a blended family, the term given to a household containing at least one stepparent, stepsibling or half-sibling.
According to the woman, part of their problem stemmed from the fact she had horses on the property. However, she insisted they were locked away safely at all times and was left hurt by their repeated snubs.
“They wouldn’t even bring the kid to family events like Christmas,” Faithlessnesswild215 wrote. “My other kids’ relationship with him is strained because they believe he is looking down on them after he got a city job.”
Since the divorce though, things have changed. In fact, her son has been repeatedly asking her to babysit as he attempts to juggle shared custody and his busy job. She’s refusing to play ball though and has seemingly resorted to painful honesty to get her point across.
“I told him straight up that I will not babysit the kid since she is not my grandkid and you made it clear I wasn’t good enough to babysit when you thought she was your kid,” she wrote.
Her comments sparked a huge argument with her son who branded her awful. She remains unrepentant though, writing: “I just think he wants someone to parent due to not being able to rely on his ex wife anymore.”
Marisha Mathis, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in family counseling at Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of in-person and online therapy services, felt the woman could have approached things in a more constructive way.
“The situation could have been better with more communication between the grandmother and her son,” Mathis told Newsweek. “She could have asked questions to determine what would make her son feel more comfortable leaving the child at her home. She could consider sharing her feelings with her son to express that her feelings were hurt. She could also point out that the sudden change of heart is insulting. She could reconsider if there is a healthy conversation with compromise and boundaries surrounding what happened.”
However, she concluded that the woman was within her rights to refuse to help her son and ultimately justified in wanting to keep a distance.
“She could lend a hand, but she is not required to,” Mathis said. “If it’s a matter of right or wrong, I believe that she is right. She should not be expected to swallow her pride and hurt when it was someone else’s pride that caused the harm and is now in need.”
Redditors React
Many commenting on Reddit were of the same mindset. “It’s not about the DNA, it’s about the snubbing before,” one wrote, with another agreeing: “It’s about his treatment towards you, and basically not allowing you to be this kids’ grandparent by refusing to spend time with you.”
However, a few felt she had overstepped with her choice of words. “Honestly I feel like she is an a****** for saying it’s because the kid is not a bio kid,” one wrote. “Not babysitting when she wasn’t allowed before is A-OK, but saying “she is not my grandkid” is a huge a****** move.”
Plenty felt the strong choice of words was warranted though, with one Redditor commenting: “I don’t blame her [for saying what she said], there is no emotional connection due to the son and now there’s not a biological obligation either.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Faithlessnesswild215 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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