When can we finally “talk back” to our parents?
Perhaps when they claim to know more than we do about our biggest passions, one Reddit user suggests. A viral post by u/SchemeLong4640 has sparked discussions around gender dynamics, professional expertise and family relationships online.
The post recounts a dinner interaction where a 28-year-old wildlife biologist found herself at odds with her father over her expertise in her professional field. It has received 21,000 upvotes in one week.
The original poster (OP) wrote in the post that she holds a master’s degree in wildlife conservation and is considering pursuing a doctorate. She wrote that she was excited to discuss her research during a family gathering. However, her father repeatedly responded to her insights with dismissive remarks like “I don’t know about that…” Despite her attempts to brush off his comments, they persisted, prompting her to respond: “Well, I do, given the two degrees and all!”
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“I responded in a light, playful tone, but he did not take it well at all,” she wrote. “He immediately accused me of being disrespectful. I responded, ‘I’m sorry, but it’s disrespectful of you to insinuate that you know more than I do about my field.'”
The confrontation resulted in an uncomfortable silence at the dinner table, followed by a phone call from her mother questioning her actions.
Commenters overwhelmingly backed the OP for her response, pointing to potential reasons for her father’s response: “Not the a******,” u/ExamAcademic5557 told the OP. “Your dad is obviously uncomfortable with the idea of you being an authority…Many older generation folks without education feel threatened by being perceived as ignorant, so they posture as compensation.”
‘Toxic Masculinity’
Licensed mental health relationship and family therapist Ryan Kopyar spoke to Newsweek about the situation through the lenses of “toxic masculinity” and “mansplaining”—a term used to describe men’s condescending or patronizing behavior towards women, particularly in areas where women are considered experts.
“What often doesn’t get spoken about is the fact that what underlies toxic masculinity or mansplaining is fear on behalf of the man… A fear that control may be taken away from him,” Kopyar said. “And therefore, he overexplains or, in an overt and over-the-top manner, exudes control over a woman or another person.”
Koypar suggested that the OP’s father may have felt threatened by his daughter’s expertise—perhaps feeling “inferior” or “undereducated” in comparison—and reacted defensively. Her mother’s response, he said, could reflect broader gender dynamics and power struggles within the family.
“As it relates to the communication between the daughter and her mother, where the mother tells the daughter to simply acquiesce to her father’s mansplaining, this represents relationship dynamics that can occur for women who have lost touch with the ability to step into their own power and to find their voice,” he said. “The mother, in this situation, is discouraging her daughter from finding her voice and standing up for herself and advocating for herself.”
Kopyar offered that the OP should enact these exact things: asserting her expertise firmly and advocating for herself.
“The daughter should…recognize that the relationship dynamic has shifted [since childhood] and she is fully allowed to be her own independent woman in all aspects, both personally and professionally.”
Newsweek reached out to u/SchemeLong4640 for comment via Reddit.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.